30 weeks pregnant and it feels so surreal. I cannot believe how quickly this pregnancy has gone by. With Ben there was so much time to soak up all the pregnancy excitement, for reading baby books, obsessing over different nursery looks, maternity shoot and all that fun stuff. This time around I blinked and boom 3rd Trimester.
Looking back now I realize how naive we were when we decided to have a baby the first time around. We got pregnant our second month of trying and didn’t even realize how lucky we were. The whole pregnancy was perfect. No morning sickness, no heartburn, seriously I had minimum pregnancy symptoms. Except for not being able to sleep at night I never ever felt uncomfortable while pregnant. I was active and very healthy. Miscarriage and pregnancy complications never even entered my mind. It’s something that didn’t exist in my world. We just expected it to be smooth sailing
After Ben was born we took a serious financial hit, our marriage was put on the back burner as we focused all our energy on this tiny person. Life was just so different and even though I really wanted my kids close in age and longed to fall pregnant again, the time for a second baby was just never right. We waited and waited and waited. Then I found a really amazing job. Husband was doing well at work and finally we knew it was time. Because I got pregnant quite quickly the first time I expected the same, but month 2 came and so did my period. Then month 3, and 4 and 5 and so it continued. I cried many times. I got angry at my husband because we waited too long and now I’m too old and it’s just not going to happen.
Then I got retrenched. It was an extremely difficult and uncertain time. 2 months later, after a year of trying I fell pregnant. I remember looking at the pregnancy test and instead of joy I felt like someone was squeezing all the air out of my lungs. How are we going to afford this baby? I told husband and he was over the moon. Seeing him so excited calmed me down a little and soon enough I was pinning nurseries. But it was not meant to be.
For about a week after the miscarriage I completely shut down. I was in this bubble where only I existed. I just focused on getting out of bed and carrying on with my routine. Then one day I looked at Ben. My gorgeous, amazing little boy and I suddenly realized that if I only get him that will be enough. He is more than enough.
2 months later I found myself again clutching a positive pregnancy test. Because of the miscarriage I was hesitant to get excited. There was SO much anxiety for the first 12 weeks. What if it happens again? It was emotionally draining to think like this. We had a scare at 8 weeks but after some meds all was well again. But even after our 12 week appointment and a thumbs up from the doctor I still felt like saying it out loud would make it go away. And so we only told our parents at 14 weeks and then made it Facebook official at 17 weeks. I think the fact that we kept it quiet for so long is why this pregnancy feels so short. Why I sometimes feel like I missed out on all the “we’re pregnant” excitement.
But now I’m all in. I’m trying to make the most of every second. I’m asking the poor Instagram husband to snap a bump pic every opportunity I get. I’m milking the “treat me like a queen cause I’m growing a human” card and I’m knee deep in pink glitter and tutu’s.
So how does this second pregnancy differ from my first? Oh my gosh let me count the ways.
So much nausea for the first 12 weeks and then again from 20 weeks till about 25 weeks. Because of swelling I had to take my wedding band off months ago. My back is killing me and getting out of bed or off the couch very much resembles a tortoise trying to flip himself back after landing on his shell. My skin was basically the Sahara desert for Trimester 1 and 2 and after using copious amounts of skin hydrating oil its just now getting back to its former glory. I’ve always had restless leg issues so I’m use to it but still it’s definitely worst now and some nights I really struggle to get comfy. Also as someone who lives for summer I quickly realized that sunny days are a lot less fun when pregnant. I’m ALWAYS sweaty and red faced and it’s such a mission to get anything done when the heat is constantly draining all your energy. But I’m not complaining, far from it. I absolutely adore being pregnant and love this bump. It’s actually a little bittersweet knowing its coming to an end and that the pregnancy phase of my life will then be over.
But I’m also excited (and petrified) to start the next phase of life as a mom of two.
10 weeks left guys! 10 WEEKS!