Having another baby.

baba

It all starts when you meet the boy. You go on dates, you fall in love and then get married. You go on Honeymoon, return and move into your first little home together. You have the best time finding the perfect spot for all the wedding gifts and having the best time playing house. You spend weekends in the garden drinking beer and dreaming about the future. You go on long scenic drives, sleep late and binge watch Dexter in bed. You giggle when he calls you ‘wife’ and Instagram your new ID and Passport. Life. Is. Perfect.

But after a year you get restless. Something feels missing. And before you know it you both have this love sick look on your face when looking at babies in the park. You give each other that “I want one” smile and so the talks start. That big life changing talk. Are you ready for a baby? Do you have enough money? Will a pram and car seat fit into your tiny car? If you turn the guestroom into a nursery where will the guests sleep? Will you cope with limited sleep? But then also who needs sleep. So you say ‘Fuck it’ and have the baby anyways because you love each other and you will find a way to make it work.

You always think the decision to have that first baby is the biggest. Well its not. Deciding on when to have your second now that’s when ‘ish’ gets real. Because now you know what the word tired REALLY means. You have worked a full day on 3 hours of sleep and it aint pretty. You know your marriage barely survived those first few months and how little time you had for each other. You know what a trip to the paediatrician cost. You have added up the pharmacy bills. You have calculated exactly how much every poop costs you in diaper bills. Your guest bedroom is already a nursery and on weekends away your car looks like a Taxi heading for the Transkei. You will need a bigger house, a bigger car, a bigger wallet. You are now fully aware of what having a child means. There is no more luxury of reckless abandon. You have to be smart about this because when cash is tight it is no longer just you and husband eating marmite toast for a week. You now have a little person to consider and take care off. What is best for that tiny person.

And so you decide the time is not right. You need more money. You need to wait. But then you already know how the new nursery will look. You have narrowed it down to your favourite names. You feel like it will be a girl but a boy would be great too.

You cry when a friend announce her second pregnancy. You are so happy for her but also a little heartbroken. Even though you try not too you instinctively distance yourself from her. Because you want that second baby so badly. You want to say ‘fuck it’ again but you know you have to be smart about this. And so you push it to the back of your mind and focus on your gorgeous two year old. But you know its just a matter of time before your friend starts posting bump pictures and you spend the rest of the day eating your feelings. And this is a problem because these jeans were a perfect fit just a week ago and now they aren’t…

7 Comments on Having another baby.

  1. Zayaan
    September 14, 2015 at 11:34 am (2 years ago)

    Ah my friend, I’m feeling you on this one. Desperately want another little one for our family and my first thought is, where are we going to put it?

    Reply
  2. Caylee
    September 15, 2015 at 5:35 am (2 years ago)

    Love this post of yours. <3

    Reply
  3. Chereen
    September 16, 2015 at 12:45 pm (2 years ago)

    I feel like we’re going through pretty much the same thing at the moment… I’d absolutely love to have another little bubs, but then I have half an hour of FREEDOM to read my book, or catch up on work, or talk to my husband (or have a bath!) while Noah keeps himself occupied with his toy cars or blocks… when this happens, I find myself thinking that i definitely don’t want another baby right now, because I enjoy this me-time too much! Finances is also a huge thing for us – on one hand, I desperately want for Noah to have a sibling, but I also don’t want to take away any opportunities from him (education-wise, etc). But then, surely by not having another baby, I’d be taking away the experience of the special sibling bond?! SO confusing! x

    Reply
  4. Zephora
    October 2, 2015 at 9:11 am (2 years ago)

    This post came at exactly the right time. Last week I felt like I simply cannot go through this again and my LG is only 9 months. But then she got through her “phase” and again I find myself really wanting to add to our little family 🙂

    Reply
  5. Cindy
    October 2, 2015 at 9:21 am (2 years ago)

    I feel the same way about this – but about my 4th haha. It never gets easier.

    Reply
  6. Christine Kenny
    October 2, 2015 at 10:35 am (2 years ago)

    Its like you read my mind and extracted all those feelings of wanting another babba but not being able to afford one. My twin boys are turning two next week, and even though they keep me fully occupied and I love them to bits, im yearning for another little baby to hold, snuggle and care for. I keep telling myself that I don’t want the age gap between them to be too big, but then I also keep thinking where would I find space for another baby, how will we pay all those unavoidable bills and how will it change my two boys? Decisions decisions…

    Reply
  7. Mpumie
    October 2, 2015 at 11:00 am (2 years ago)

    I can relate

    Reply

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